Later that day I was thinking about this woman on my way back to the guest house. I thought, what if she made up this whole story about after cleaning she works in the sawah. What if this is the story she tells all White people. She has learned that she can get a tip this way. Or her story is true. I have no idea which it could be. But I want to say that my feeling that doubting her story is just as viable as the story being true is because of my experience. Don’t ever take for granted the intelligence of a person who is living in a society that oppresses them. They have to learn how to survive. If telling a story of hardship is the means to a few extra dollars to a White person but those dollars mean possible meals for a week to them, so be it. More power to them. But unfortunately for me living in Asia it is very hard for me to know when I’m having a genuine relationship of if I’m viewed as the Western money bags. Many relationships to people I meet during my social art workshops end when I lend them money, many never go in that direction, some I lend money to and they pay me back, Some I lend and know they will never be able to pay me back so I tell them it’s a gift. Often time spent together is the factor that determines if the relationship is real.
About being viewed as a White person: It’s tiring. So many people in Asia treat me and make assumptions as if I’m playing a part in a Hollywood film. White women being sluts is used in many different ways, for men to manipulate and for women to retaliate. Now mine you this is not everyone but it’s a factor I have to be aware of because I experience it. White woman having everything done for her is a daily occurrence. All managers doing any work on or in my flat, assume they can come anytime they want because my maid is there to let them in or that you can’t do anything for yourself being a pampered White person. When you are doing something for yourself of any type of physical labor which can even mean carrying something large, surely cleaning anything, this all means that you are a lower status person. I then am a disappointment. People think you can come and go and load up anything and take it away because you have a car and possibly a driver. People think every chance you get you are on holiday. They think we were raised this way. Little do they know almost all but the very rich have help doing anything in the West. We do everything ourselves. Some Asian people have told me about their experiences living in the USA and how they painted the walls of their room themselves, noting their exceptional experience. Don’t get me wrong there is definitely social bias in the USA but not to this minute detail. Nearly every move you make in Asia can be viewed through a lens of what this says about your social status.
In this way I need to consider the views of my students. I can’t afford low student evaluations but if they see me carrying too many things in the painting studio or struggling to move the furniture in our classroom they can view me as a laborer. I’m very aware of this and think it’s real. I have a check against me already as a woman. They respect authority and the image of authority is a male. So, I already have a challenge to my gaining respect.